Enough About Race...for now

Alright, so I was supposed to be writing this blog more so on life in general in Korea, but it seems that I keep having incidents that highlight racial issues and whatnot. Anyway, I'll keep this one short. So, I've been in Seoul for like a year and some now and my korean is still pretty low level (which is a shame:() I actually met a really great guy who worked in my livingtel (it's basically a place where you can rent out a room). We decided to become language exchange partners, which turned out to be a great thing because we could practice every day. Well, we talked about pretty much everything. One day, and I should have known this was coming lol we started talking about black people. This was mainly because he asked me what american tv shows he could watch to improve his english. Some of the ones he listed, I told him that they weren't realistic and that people in the US don't normally talk like that. Somehow, we got into how blacks were portrayed on shows (I'm starting to see a trend). So of course I got into the stereotypes of blacks among other minorities in the states. He was telling that a lot of koreans' idea of black people is the hip hopped out into music type. He said yeah when I first saw you smth smth.. you had your headphones on etc. I kind of laughed because when I met him I did kind of look hip hopped out (but those are my comfy clothes darn it I was searching for a new place) lol and I guess it didn't help that I was a hip hop dance instructor at one point lmao! ( was I perpetuating a stereotype?) Even so, not all black people are like that. Of course I explained, but then I thought wow. The media really does affect peoples' perceptions even half way across the world, especially where what they see of the US is very limited. So it seems that my mission is not complete j/k but low key serious lol

Identity revisited...

I haven't actually gotten questions concerning race or anything for a while now. Needless to say, yesterday I was definitely caught off guard. I met with my new tutee (is that right?), well girl that I tutor anyway, for the first time. She seemed really excited. She's a cute girl, maybe 9 or 10. So she says to me 'when I lived in the US for a year, my best friend was black...' To be honest I was a little taken aback. I'm not exactly sure why really, she said it really innocently and with a happy face. I kind of laughed a little and just said oooooh lol. Her mom who was with us, I guess noticed the look on my face (I really can't hide anything). She asked if saying 'black' was a common or the best term to use. My reply was really it depends on the person, then I started talking about how some prefer african american, but I told her I didn't care, because honestly I don't. I actually prefer someone calling me black over african american because african american can mean many different things, well to me anyway (i.e. I immigrated from Africa to the US, my parents are from Africa originally, or my family background in purely African). For me none of these are true, which is why I leave 'african american' for people who are truly african american. I have basically no knowledge of my origins in Africa, but I do know of my origins from the west indies, which is why I went on to explain to her that I'm actually west indian american. Long story short, I think I confused her about the term 'black' even more than she was lol!
Since I've been in Korea (a year now) I realized that I've been talking about 'black' a lot. I felt at one point that I was the ambassador of blackness. I'm assuming most here don't come across many black people. So of course many will not understand the scope of the black diaspora (not even gonna get into that right now). It used to be somewhat annoying, but hey people ask questions because they want to be educated. So, now I use it as an opportunity to spread knowledge.

Thoughts from today...

The previous blog will be revisited lol. Just felt like talking about today. So, I'm realizing now how difficult it is for me to say "no" or make a decision. Don't get me wrong, when it comes to certain things, I'm definitely adamant about my opinions and can make choices very easily. However, today I realized that I'm still quite naive in handling some things. I'll give an example. Today, I told someone that I couldn't help them out. Some background info, here are the facts. This person knew that I came to Korea more specifically to go to school, I told them before entering grad school that I would help them out by being an english tutor once I started school. Now, here is where my feelings came into play. After I started school, which was a week ago, I slowly began to realize that I'm going to have too much work to do and adding something else to my schedule would stress me out even more. Anyway, it took a long time and after asking opinions of different people, even random ones I didn't know, I decided that I couldn't tutor for this person. I felt and still feel bad about it, but I know that at this point in my life I can't handle anything else. My thing is this, I like being able to help if I can. I feel like if I have the means or the time I should be helping somebody else, but today I realized more that I do have limits. Being in Korea this past year made me much more aware of my humaness (is that a word?) I never like to promise unless I'm sure I can follow through, and I always want to be true to my word. So, I'll have to be more careful about extending my hand if I'm not certain that I can.

It's about time...

Ok, so I should have started this blog like a year ago, but I figure better late than never, and I have a feeling this year will definitely have a lot in store as well. Anyway, to recap on my life in 2009, I came to Korea to teach english at a private school (hagwon), loved the kids, hated the system, learned new things about myself (things I'll mention later), did some volunteering, and reapplied to grad school.
A day ago, I finally started school, which is the main reason I came to Seoul. Yesterday, the private school which I thought I was done with of course called me with a problem that needed fixing. Lucky for them, I actually answered my phone ( even though I have a phone, I'm not big on phone calls). Anyway, I went back to the school, which took like an hour (wow, now that I'm looking back on it smh), and helped them out. So, now I can officially say that I'm done with the hagwon.
Like I said, I should've started this blog when I first came her last year. Perhaps, it could have been an outlet for my frustration of working at the hagwon. Things happened over the past year, that really made me question a lot about myself, other people, etc.

One thing that is probably one of the most significant is the fact that for the first time, I truly identified myself as "black." Ok, let's stop here for a sec, and I'll explain. My mom is west indian (Kittitian) and my dad is black american (mostly african descent). Anyway, I was born and raised in D.C., which is also known as chocolate city to locals (nuf said). However, I never really thought of myself as black american. I mean, I was was born in the 80s in D.C., so I def got all things afrocentric spoon fed to me since birth (kente cloth and everything), but as a child it's hard to understand the depth of it all. Of course my skin is brown, but the culture of black people I grew up with, I couldn't relate to. For one thing, I was raised by my mom who passed on her culture to me ( I guess, and I only admit this now, I also did not want to be a part of black american culture b/c I had issues with my dad). This is changing though. Btw, I know it might be confusing, but I do make a distinction between different kinds of black people, based on ethnicity. That being said, growing up, most of my close friends were not black american. Mainly, because I couldn't relate to a lot of them (lifestyle, family).
That's the background info. Now on to the point I'm trying to make, which is, I came to Korea with a west indian mentality. However, when I got here, I was black (or Indonesian or Filipino or African, or Indian) depending on the person's perception of my features. I later realized though that I was getting confused myself. Being surrounded by a culture where appearance is very important, I realized how dressing a particular way got me categorized (cap and sweatpants= black american I'd get the "yo what's up", indian style print clothes and gold jewelry=something indo, nicely dressed=I don't know what you are, european maybe?) All this and stereotypes I tried to take with a grain of salt because I know that most of the people I come across here have not been exposed to many foreigners of color. I must admit though, I did get tired of it sometimes because I didn't really know anyone else of color, or anyone else that could relate. At the time, all I had were my family and friends who were a million miles away in chocolate city lol